Lea's Day Off From Life

So on Wednesday this week, I took a little day off from life. For a moment or two, I almost convinced myself that I was relapsing into my depressive mode. Fortunately, I woke up and decided against it. So I spent the day in bed. Well, tried to anyway. Me being me, I ended up going for coffee with a friend and then later going to another friend's birthday pub crawl. During coffee, I was tired. During the pub crawl, I felt out of place. For one thing, I'd stopped drinking as much so I didn't constantly have a drink in my hand like the rest. And for another, they were all my friends but not really. It was the strangest feeling. I knew most of them and while I was fairly close with the birthday girl, I could only be at best considered acquaintances with the rest. We went to the welsh club and I've always been an RnB club person so that was definitely a foreign place for me. Don't get me wrong, I'd have gone regardless but perhaps next time I should take heed to leave when I feel the need.

Is it really?

"Happiness is good health and a bad memory."
- Ingrid Bergman -

Forgetting things that upset you is always the best option. In fact, it's my favorite option. Nonetheless, what do you do when they come back and bite you in the ass? I have been on many a quest to find happiness. First losing it and then working hard to find my way back to the optimum I previously had but did not realize. People are all the same in the end: the grass always looks greener on the other side regardless of the reality. I never knew what I had until I lost it and to say that I can learn from this mistake is untrue for I know that it is very repeatable.

Fortunately for me, I've passed the critical stage where I no longer rely on medication to walk in our world. It was a painful fall but a harder climb. Blades away and thoughts contained, perhaps it was the best way to make it a lesson I will never forget. So now I walk with away from the shadows, my past no longer haunts me but unforgotten. Scars take a long time to heal but they will never entirely go away. I will always be grateful to those who helped me to stand for I owe them nothing less than my life.

Longest month of the year

Right! That's it! I'm voting February my most hated month of this academic year as of yet. I can't take it anymore. Not only do I have to put up with this ridiculous weather, I also have a never ending trail of coursework to be handed in. It is literally one after another. First IB, then financial and after that management... *ARGH!* I'm going to die somewhere in the middle of it. No wait, I am in the middle... :s

That aside, my life has been depressingly dreary. In fact, it has come to a point where I question if I even have a life anymore. Some of my friends think that I've gone underground while others simple believe that I've vanished into thin air... Apparently, I'm not my (and I quote) "sociable self" anymore. *rolls the eyes* If I had time to be anything but mundane, I would. It's not like I have a choice in this matter. After all, I really REALLY do want to graduate. It's definitely time to move on. Cardiff is getting smaller by the day and the people here don't change. South Africa seems like a nice place to be these days...

Paris is the key to my heart - Anastasia

I miss it already. It was a short holiday but everything I expected. Half a day of shopping and a day at disney - it was great. My only regret: we didn't have enough time. Still, regardless of that wonderful trip, I am paying for it now as I have less than 12 hours to produce a 3000 word essay which is not going well at all. *sigh* Yeah, I really should have started earlier. Exam time is over, holiday time is long past. We're back to the grind and this time it's definitely for a long time. 3 courseworks in a row excluding the decision to change modules by tomorrow afternoon... Is it possible for my sigh to get any louder?